…

I will never be enough and a part of me will always be sad.

not a finger

Day 6 of not running.  Am going mad now.  I hobbled through a 15 minute speed walk on the treadmill yesterday because it was Christmas dammit and I wanted endorphins.  Actually, today is the first day I didn’t do any workout at all.  I’ve done Jackie Warner workouts on two days, Jillian Michals kettlebells on other days, and Bob Harper one day.  And yes they do hurt my back/hips so I am taking a full rest day today.

Went to a chiro on Tuesday.  Against my better judgment, went to my sister’s friend instead of my normal lady.  She beat the hell out of me and gave me bruisers with that activator, all in the name of preventing my migraines.  I wasn’t concerned about those anyway but now that I think of it, I haven’t had one since.  Though I haven’t been at work since then either and that seems to be the cause.  My sciatica is no better, but I should have known that it wouldn’t be.  It’s not like I went to Christ Family Chiropractic.

So I am considering calling my doctor and getting some muscle relaxers.  They just might be the miracle I am praying for.

kick me in the face please

so I had some amazing longer runs last week…then BAM! Sciatica.  Saturday morning I hobbled a bit while running on the treadmill.  So I got myself bundled up and headed outside to run, but it only got worse.  I finished with about 4 miles total and came home to wallow in self pity.  After finally finding my foam roller hiding behind a coat rack, I rolled the hell out of my hips and back, but it didn’t help.  I started on some ibuprofen, but again, it didn’t seem to do much good until Sunday afternoon.  I started to feel better and get optimistic.  I foam rolled some more and was walking like a normal person.  But then I woke up and felt the stabbing pain again.  So I popped in a workout dvd and worked my arms til they were shaking.  I could barely put on my deodorant.  And it wasn’t even THAT hard of a workout.  I use to do it often, but I guess I’m a little out of practice.  So I am back to being pissy about it and not in a mood for holiday indulgences.  My chiro is not open today, but she is tomorrow.  Hopefully she will not shame me for not going for a year and squeeze me in sometime.  Otherwise, I will unhappily hobble my way through the holidays. Actually, I am not in that bad of a mood, just a tad frustrated and still not as into the holiday spirit as usual.

Tomorrow is my annual appt with my OB/GYN and he is moving at the end of the month to MN.  I was oddly sad to read his letter about the move.  I guess I had always pictured him delivering all of my kids.  Plus you get an oddly sentimental attachment to the person who first holds your child.   After that, I am off of work, but will return for the Christmas potluck.  Then I will chill at home with the kiddos for the next few days..of course going to my parents for festivities on the eve and Xmas afternoon.  I’m excited for Red to open her presents.  Its a toss up as to whether E will be awake for that part. haha.

Now my candy tastes like guilt.

So last week I focused on “speed” this week I am “going the distance.”  My speedier workouts were…ok.  I mean I really only got down to 7:30 or so paces, but that’s average.  I know I ran some miles in the lower 7s.  I kind of figured that if I want to half marathon PR, I need to start doing tempo runs in the 7:10-7:20 range.  Luckily there are no half marathons til, like late April/early May.  I am actually kind of disappointed about that.  I miss racing and that is a long way off.  I am registered for Boston but I think I am just going to lose out on that money.  A trip to Disney and a new house are in the near-ish future, so I am not about to shell out 500$/night for a hotel room.

Sunday was unusually warm, in the 40s in the morning, so I ran 9 miles.  Monday I ran 8, with some of them outside as it was still pretty nice.  Tuesday I took an off day and did some kettlebells and pushups and random strength stuff.  Then I ate like total sh*t.  I had like half a bag of chocolate chips after dinner.  Then I was all jittery from the sugar.  I still feel kind of ucky.

This morning I ran 8 miles at 7:54 pace.  I’d be happy with that as a marathon tempo run.  Anyways, I still haven’t figured out a good way to drop the overnight pump session, so it’s rough to get up at 5 to pump again and then fit in a longer run before E wakes up.  Plus I get a lot of milk during the overnighter.  I am keeping it for now.  It would be nice to be able to go longer periods during the day without pumping.

E is doing really well.  She is so freaking cute.  When I get home from work, all I want to do is hold her.  But there is always stuff to be done and I need to make sure I play with Red and give her my time too.  Life gets chaotic, like trying wipe Red’s butt while feeding E, or getting Red what she needs while holding a fussy E, but I really love it.  Even in those moments I am glad that I can find humor (sometimes).  Who would have guessed I’d love this mom thing?  Not me.

I have not much Christmas spirit this year.  I don’t know what’s missing.  I mean, it will be fun and all, but I don’t have the excitement I usually have.  Maybe it’s hormones. ha

I am the spaghetti

Finally got through that long stretch of work.  I ended up running 37 miles last week with one full rest day on Saturday and a sort of rest day on Wednesday in which I ran only 2 miles.  Yesterday was a good running day.  I slept in until 6 and ran 5 miles.  Then when RKY woke up, I went outside to run.  When is the last time I did that?  I seriously don’t know, sometime in early September or maybe even August.  It was just a 2 mile loop but I was flying.  And my hands were freezing.  Sort of forgot how cold they get when you run in the winter.  By flying, I mean I averaged 7:25 over just 2 miles (7:32 and (7:16).  My old definition of flying is more like 6:30s.  But no matter.  I was stoked to run that fast and to have it feel fairly effortless.  Today I am sore in some spots that were apparently neglected by treadmill running.   I ran 6.25 today, all treadmill, as my weekday runs will be until E establishes a consistent schedule.

I have been eating pretty terribly.  My sugar addiction is out of control.  I should probably go cold turkey but there’s really no way in hell I want to do that.  I just want to cut back on the sugar and start eating healthier.  I am doing better at getting in veggies and drinking my V-8s.  My weight is slightly less than pre-pregnancy (yay breastfeeding) but my stomach is pretty marshmallowy.  I blame the sugar.  And the fact that it’s only been 10 weeks since it was big.  Time and less sugar should get me those abs back, I hope.  Then again, no one really sees my abs, so eh.  I figure I will let that go after baby #3 and just not give a sh#t.  But for now, I still sort of care.

Though I have no races, I am looking up some half marathon training plans, just to give me some ideas for speed work and other ways to get faster.  Hal Higdon’s all seem too low mileage for my taste.  I think I will give his marathon advanced one a try for my next marathon, whenever that is.

This past weekend was pretty fun with the fam.  Friday night we saw Santa at the fire station.  Saturday night we went to another Christmas walk and met Rudolph, did some shopping, and watched fireworks.  Sunday we got our angel tree shopping done and I tried to tell Red about what we were doing.  It seems weird to say, “hey these toys are for poor kids and we aren’t poor.  And don’t even ask why Santa doesn’t bring them enough presents.”

This week, I plan on forcing myself to run faster.  Just trying to race through the work week so we can party all weekend.  By party, I mean play with the kids and maybe go to a bake sale.