Yesterday I ended up feeling fine in the evening.  I ran which was a good mood booster.  Then it stormed and rained a lot, so I played with the kids until the rain stopped.  We went outside and I let them splash and jump in puddles.  I wasn’t sure if RKY was coming home or not.  It ended up being not, which I guess I should know by now that he usually doesn’t on Wednesdays because he works late.

Sometimes I can convince myself that this is just a break.  Like a break for a few months with intentions of fully reuniting.  That is my hope anyway.  It still sucks to feel lonely at night and to be missing affection and physical touch.

This morning I woke up and the sun was bright.  I didn’t feel as bad physically as I usually do.  But then I get reminded of the situation when I have to hurry around and get everyone up and ready to go and out the door, by myself.  I start to feel a bit sorry for myself.  Then I start to worry about having to do that with a baby added to the mix.  Yeesh.

Then I got to work and he sent me a funny video on FB.  Then we chatted about what to eat for dinner tonight.  So normal.  So confusing.  I am sick of reading tea leaves.  I just want my old life back.

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