Yesterday I ended up feeling fine in the evening. I ran which was a good mood booster. Then it stormed and rained a lot, so I played with the kids until the rain stopped. We went outside and I let them splash and jump in puddles. I wasn’t sure if RKY was coming home or not. It ended up being not, which I guess I should know by now that he usually doesn’t on Wednesdays because he works late.
Sometimes I can convince myself that this is just a break. Like a break for a few months with intentions of fully reuniting. That is my hope anyway. It still sucks to feel lonely at night and to be missing affection and physical touch.
This morning I woke up and the sun was bright. I didn’t feel as bad physically as I usually do. But then I get reminded of the situation when I have to hurry around and get everyone up and ready to go and out the door, by myself. I start to feel a bit sorry for myself. Then I start to worry about having to do that with a baby added to the mix. Yeesh.
Then I got to work and he sent me a funny video on FB. Then we chatted about what to eat for dinner tonight. So normal. So confusing. I am sick of reading tea leaves. I just want my old life back.