And the anxiety hits.
Yesterday I didn’t see RKY because he drove to a show in a nearby town after work. But we chatted a lot during the day. So it didn’t bother me. He did come home after we had all gone to bed. While I was reading my mind was wandering to other things and I had a mini panic attack thinking about my c-section. I guess I haven’t been thinking about that so much. But it was such a bad experience last time that now I am starting to panic. Even getting a catheter was terrifying and painful. I really should have asked my doctor if I had other options, like being knocked out completely! My next appt is Thursday so hopefully I can talk to him then. I don’t think they will want to do that though. I also have counseling on Monday, so maybe he can give me some suggestions to ease my mind before surgery.
I woke up this morning with bad anxiety. It’s after 11 now and I still feel it in my muscles and my breathing. It’s a mostly physical response happening because I am at work, so my head isn’t really adding anything to the mix. I woke up from a dream where I was hanging with my extended family. It made me miss them, I only see some of them around Thanksgiving-Christmas. I have only taken 3/4 of an Ativan this week, so I am waiting to see if this dissipates before I take another half.
I had a doctor appointment yesterday. I am measuring 4 weeks behind, but the doctor said my ultrasound looked fine and he thinks the baby’s head is just way low. I don’t know if that means she is going to try to bust out soon or not. I’ve never had to deal with my water breaking, but I certainly do remember labor pain from Red. No contractions yet. Hoping she stays in there until my date. I feel like the more time I have to reconnect with RKY before she comes, the better. Because babies are stressful. I hope this one is the easiest yet, for the sake of our relationship.