Pull your panties out of your butt, bro…I know a shortcut

Rolled out of bed at 5 this morning to get a mid-long run done.  I figured if I started out that early that I could come back, shower, and crash for a bit before I had to get ready for work.  Surprisingly the plan worked.  I saw just one other person out and about that early, an old dude sauntering to Hardee’s for a breakfast enema biscuit.  Ran almost 8 miles at 8:04 pace.  Man my legs felt stiff that first mile.  It was an 8:27.  My runkeeper volume was super loud so it motivates me to run faster in case anyone happens to be listening in and actually give a flying eff about my pace.  That’s a bit egotistical, I know.  So the last 5 miles were all around 7:50s.

considering doing a 5k on Labor Day.  They have  a 5 mile race simultaneously but for some reason I’m being a lazy racer.  There’s a 10- miler on Saturday that I’m skipping but I will probably end up running at least that many miles.  I don’t feel like racing lately.  My confidence is in the toilet after this past summer.  I might even run the 5k with the stroller so I have an excuse for a slow time.

Went to the chiro yesterday.  My right leg is longer than my left by quite a bit so she fixes me up and then two days later I feel it go back.  I’m supposed to wear an insert in my right shoe but I don’t. I have no excuse for why not.  I have bought two or three pairs and I never end up using them.   I guess I’m too lazy to shove it in my shoe.

I’ve drank 5 bottles of water so far this morning and only pissed once.  Where is it all going?

 

Weekend went fast. i didn’t

Confession: I run some of my long runs on the treadmill.  It sort of feels like cheating, but I do force myself to run faster on it and put it on a slight incline.  I just like to change up my routine which worries me, because on race day I have to run all of them outside.  Without my beloved TV.  My biggest issue is that I get bored and then I think too much about how tired I am.   TV is a good distraction from that.  Praise almighty Netflix.

Saturday’s long run ended up being 20.4 miles.  I started with 2.5 on the treadmill and then went out for my first outside session.  That ended up being 6.5 miles.  Came back inside and Red was already up.  I hopped on the treadmill anyway and RKY and her drifted back to sleep with the calming? sounds of the belt.   I sort of miss when I used to run with her in the pack n play or bassinet next to the ol mill.  As soon as I stopped it she would be fully awake.  Good motivation to hold my bladder and keep running for as long as possible.   I digress…

So I had 9 miles done and was feeling pretty good.  Had the treadmill set to 7.2 mph.  Ran another 2.5 miles then headed back outside.  The sun was fully up (yuck) and lots of people were out jogging and walking.  I was already drenched in sweat and feeling like I was dragging.  I seem to get really tired around 12 miles and then I go through a series of 2nd winds, peaks and valleys.  My hammys were tight so I stopped at the house again after 5 miles.  So at this point I figured I would do a couple inside then go back out and finish up, but instead I got really into an episode of Bridezillas and ended up finishing the last 3.5 and then a little bit more because I felt guilty for not running for at least 3 hours.   I only ran for 2:50 and I still don’t feel like that is a long enough “long run.”  Averaged about 8:22 min/mile.  I have no idea what to expect if I actually run a full marathon.  I don’t think I could go much faster than that and run for another 6 miles.  Anywhoo, I wore compression shorts for the first time ever and I don’t think they made any difference.

Sunday was the worst weather day all year.  I know we need the rain but come on…all freakin day?  Now I get why parents are always looking for free shit to do outside of the house.  I was stuck inside trying to entertain Red.  I ended up sharing the burden with my parents which was nice because she thinks they are the bee’s knees.  It did stop raining around 7, so we went for a walk.  I put on Sesame Street and hoped she’d drift off during that, but 45 minutes and one episode later she was still staring blankly at the screen.  I got off my ass and rocked her which finally did the trick.  Though it was a rest day, I went out and ran 3.5 miles.  The first mile was 8:20 and the last was under 7 minutes.  I’m so old I actually have to warmup now.  Ugh.

Today I woke up from a dream where I was painting the door of a haunted garage.  It was still dark out so I was creeped out.  Ran 4.5 miles avg pace 7:22 then ran 1.5 miles on the treadmill avg pace 7:05.  Regular Show was on OHHHHH.  As soon as I hopped off and went to get a drink, I ran into RKY and Red, who I thought would fall asleep but instead laid against my hot sticky chest for another full episode of Sesame Street.  Desperately needing a shower, I let her play on the bathroom floor with her dad’s toothbrush.  He’d kill me.

So like more th…

So like more than six months later I decide to update this thing.  I just came back because I wanted to get an idea of my weekly mileage during the winter when I started training for Illinois marathon.  Which didn’t happen for me.  I should know better than to register for a race 2 months in advance.  My knee spazzed out on me the Sunday before the race.  Yes, 5 days before the race I spent 4 months preparing for.  I taped the shit out of it and attempted to run anyway but around 9 miles I realized no one cared if I finished but me.  And then I didn’t even care at that point.  Finished the half but they posted my results in a special category for “did not finish registered race.”  Thanks.

After that I ran the Q-C Distance Classic.  I smartly waited until the day before to decide to run it.  My first mile was somewhere around 8:30.  My mind screamed WTF and I was able to pick up the pace enough to finish around 1:40.  Then I ran Dam to Dam in Des Moines.  That dam race sucks every time.  It’s a 20K and I finished around 1:36.  I was also dehydrated as hell and ready to devour a giant meal.  That is what happens when you don’t want to drink or eat so much that you are forced to use the port-a-potties at the start.  My stomach was even growling as I ran.  Some dude was passing out Jolly Ranchers and I grabbed a handful.  Ended up dropping all but two so I shoved those in my mouth.  I was afraid of choking so I kept them between my teeth until they disintegrated.  My mouth was so dry it was about 5 or 6 miles before they did and my teeth hurt for the next 3 days. 

I didn’t learn my lesson because Race for the Cure was the next weekend.  I ended up dehydrated and dry heaving during the last half mile.  That must’ve looked real attractive.  I finished in 21 minutes which was disappointing because I wanted to break 20 again. 

The next race was the 4 mile Moonlight Chase which I felt pretty good about.  Started with the first mile at 6:30 so I was just hoping to keep it at that pace.  Around mile 2 someone had a sprinkler spraying runners with cold water which is actually the least refreshing thing in the world to a hot sweaty runner.  The cold water hit me and knocked the breath out of me, as it always does, no big deal.  Except that I dropped my iPod touch.  It bounced behind me and would not stop.  It was about 10 feet behind me, so I turned around and grabbed it then jogged while trying to get it going again.  It was already cracked from earlier this summer but it did start working.  I was so pissed that I yelled at the people sarcastically, THANKS FOR THE WATER!  I ended up finishing in 27:30 which, again was disappointing because I wanted to be in the 26s. 

I think I had bad karma from the above incident because I got very sick for about 2 weeks with a sinus infection.  I ran a 10 and 20 miler during the first week so that *may* have been why I was worse in week 2.  Of course Bix was at the end of week 2 when I was still suffering from a lot of vertigo.  I woke up that morning and knew right away that 7 miles was not going to happen.  So I did the wimpy 2 miler and ended up being the 2nd female, but who really races the 2 miler?  You don’t get any awards, it’s a just for fun thing and it was not any fun for me.

August had one weekend with some good races but of course I was out of town.  So I am registered for a one mile fun run with my corgi Henry in September and a 5k for Make a Wish in October. 

Ohhh and then there’s the marathon I’ve been training for, maybe.  I don’t want to commit yet but I have run two 20 milers and plan on doing one tomorrow.  The marathon is a week before The Tower of Terror Ten Miler!  So yes, I will be going to DisneyWorld and no, I don’t want to be injured for it.  Slow fat people run Disney races so I’m hoping to place well.