You’re just a drop of embarrassment, in an ocean of shame

Running is still going pretty well lately.  Knock on wood (again).  Haven’t been doing much in terms of speed.  Last time I think the lower ab pressure increased around now, so I am on the look out for that.  I will have to try and find that support belt.  I do have to pee about 5 minutes into every run even though I pee right before I start.  I have been running between 40-45 miles most weeks.  I’m a little worried my treadmill is wearing out, I expect to have to buy a new one soon.  Hopefully after my tax return next year.

I don’t think I have any races to look forward to.  There is a half marathon in May, but at that point, I don’t know if I will be up for it.  I did do some 5ks last year in March and April but I am not a fan of that distance, so who knows?  The only races I really do every year are the local 4 miler and 7 miler in July.  There will be the marathon in September as well, so I could possibly do that half, will have to play that by ear.  I don’t have much interest in racing anymore.  I did complete the 2,016 miles in 2016 challenge.  That was a different challenge but honestly, not that hard.

It is getting harder to hide this baby.  I have a come and go bump that depends on the time of day and how bloated I am.  I suck it in a lot at work and wear looser clothing.  The time to announce will have to be soon but I am really nervous about it.  I don’t think my work colleagues will be too pleased with another person going on leave right when one is just getting back.  I hope to have daycare lined up soon so my mom won’t have to worry about that burden.  E has been in her care since my last babysitter flaked.  I am probably going to stick to a facility so they can’t flake on me.


Well running has actually been going pretty well.  Knock on wood.  I am on a streak and don’t plan on stopping until the New year.  But I will probably get sick or injured, so we’ll see.  I’ve also been doing a lot of kettle bell and core work, my legs, arms, and abs have all been sore at one point or another this past month.  I haven’t run outside in probably a month.  I’m a little worried that my treadmill will give up on me soon.  I have been doing almost no speed work but I will do progression runs and get myself down to lower 7s.

My stomach is definitely sticking out a little bit but I think it’s only noticeable to me.  I’ve been avoiding tight clothing plus it’s winter, so I am layering up.  I am actually freezing my ass off at work right now, so I’m going to need to grab another layer during my lunch break.

I saw the doctor last Friday.  I was 14w 6 days.  The heartbeat was good and other than that, wasn’t much else to do. Felt around in my stomach for my uterus position. He checked my calves since they have been hurting lately but we think it is my varicose veins acting up.  Supposed to keep them elevated, like that’s not hard.  I have an u/s on the 23rd but it is to check my cervix since I have had a LEEP procedure.  I am kind of hoping they will check out the baby and it’s sex, but we will see.  Would be a nice xmas present to me.  If not, I’ll have to wait another 4 weeks after that.


So winter arrived a few days ago.  I guess I should say late fall.  Prior to that the weather was in the 60s and even 70 some days.  Unusual but I’ll take it.  The last nice day was Friday and I ran in shorts and a t-shirt.  I’ve since been a wuss and only run inside since then.  Ran 10 on Friday and then 6 on Saturday.  Ran 6.25 yesterday and 3 today.  Tomorrow I hope to do 8.  Leading up to Thanksgiving I’m trying to get some solid running in.  Not that I need to watch my weight.  I have probably lost 5 pounds in the past 3 months, maybe a little more.  I just want to keep my mileage high and stay strong during this pregnancy.  I haven’t been doing much fast running.  No motivation in the morning, plus I never know if there is a too fast for the baby.

Speaking of the baby, she/he is 1/3 cooked.  I’m 13w2d today.  I have another appointment next Wednesday.  Today is the first day I haven’t felt nauseous.  It’s amazing.  Yesterday I was lamenting to myself about never feeling normal or hungry again.  Then boom, today I feel fine.  I still have some aversions and no food sounds very appealing, but I am not sick.  I am actually hungry right now, luckily I have my break in about 25 minutes.  I’m hoping all this nausea helped lower my blood sugar.  But I won’t have that test for another 3 months so I have gotta watch my sugar intake.  Maybe I will actually pass the 1 hour test this time.

E is turning into a real empathetic sweetie.  But she’s Jekyll and Hyde and has her completely monstrous moments too.  Hopefully those subside over the next few months and her communication skills improve.  She talks a lot, but it’s still a guessing game what she’s trying to say.

Red seems to be doing well in school.  She definitely gets tired of it towards the end of the week but for the most part, she doesn’t complain.  Her reading skills are getting good and we are working on counting.  She seems to always skip the # 13 for some reason.  maybe she is superstitious.  haha.

The dogs are doing fine too.  H got loose the other day.  I think he crawled under the fence or the gate?  I couldn’t find any holes.  I moved the railroad ties around the loose parts of the fence so hopefully the keeps him in.  T has got to be close to 12 now.  He’s my old man but he’s not too grumpy yet.  Just with E mostly.  I think he pees on the floor in the morning because it’s too dark for him to see outside.  😦  Love him so much.


Finally had a Dr. appointment today. It took forever and was different from my old doctor.  I got a lot of questions about later in pregnancy and what b.c. I want after baby and I was like, uhhh we haven’t even heard a heart beat yet.  Finally I had to strip down, the doctor did a full physical.  He got the doppler out and had to do a lot of pushing around to finally find the heart beat.  Baby is buried pretty far in there, but it is there and OK.  I had some cultures done and then I had an ultrasound.  It was odd because it was like an inside U/S.  That was the first time I have had one of those.  But it made it easier to see the baby and get measurements.  Got a few pics that look like a blob, the usual.  Seems to be measuring right around what we guessed- 10.5 weeks.  Baby was moving around a lot and heart rate was in the 170s.  I was a bit bummed to find out that the anatomy scan won’t be until my 22 week appointment which, at this rate, will be more like 22.5 weeks.  So hopefully end of January I will find out.  My gut feeling is boy but maybe I just really want a boy now.

I’m still insanely nervous about the c-s but I am trying to view it as a necessary surgery.  People have surgery every day.  I can get through it.  Hopefully it will be much better than last time.   I will probably be getting tubal litigation done as well.  Ugh, scary.

comet, it makes you

Holy shhhh  just dropped off Red at school and it took 13 minutes to get through the whole drop off process.  It was pouring rain so it was the first time we drove instead of walked.  It’s still pouring rain and it looks like night outside.  My run was obviously on the treadmill this morning.  I wasn’t really into it but I did do 5.5 miles working my way down to 10k pace (around 7min/mile).  It’s been really hard to motivate myself running wise.  I don’t have much energy to run fast because I am sooo nauseous. I can’t eat much and some foods repulse me.   Around 6 weeks is when it started.  I am 9.5 now.  I think I’ve lost 5 pounds but my scale is funky so I’m not sure.  I’ve been working through it all.  I usually only puke at night.  The worse was when I got migraines and that combined with the usual nausea was too too much.  That happened like 3 times a couple weeks ago.  It hasn’t happened again, so fingers crossed.  I just throw up once a day after I brush my teeth at night.  Oh and this morning.  And the other night when our house smelled like food.  hah. So maybe more than once a day.

My first Dr. appointment is a week from today.  I will be 10 weeks 4 days along by then.  At least I hope.  There’s always that possibility there won’t be a heartbeat.  I have been so sick that I haven’t been too worried, but you never know.  I won’t fully feel pregnant until I hear the heart.  When will I tell people?  Maybe around Christmas.  Maybe my belly will pop earlier than the last 2 times (around 25 weeks)  and I will have to tell early.  Maybe I will just wait until after the 20 week u/s.  We’ll see.