I have good days and bad days. Unfortunately today is a bad day. It all relies upon how I interpret our interactions throughout the day. It started off fine. Last night he worked past midnight, so I didn’t really interact. This morning we talked on Google chat for a while. Lunch time I just didn’t like the vibe. A sad Hey when I got there. Then we had a good conversation though about work and stuff. And then just a quick side hug when I left. I’m hesitant to kiss him because sometimes it seems like he doesn’t want to and of course, I feel rejected. He and I are both home tonight so I am praying for a good sign for us. I had boudoir pics taken before this happened and they finally came in. Not sure if I show him them or not. I was hoping they would lead to something…but probably not. Maybe I shouldn’t have given him this 2 week period to decide. It’s killing me. I don’t really know what our separation will look like, I just know that it will suck for me.
I saw a therapist yesterday. She said I shouldn’t blame myself. She wants him to come with me next week and I haven’t asked him yet. I know he doesn’t want to. I just don’t feel very hopeful today. Some days I do. Not today.