I have good days and bad days.  Unfortunately today is a bad day.  It all relies upon how I interpret our interactions throughout the day.  It started off fine.  Last night he worked past midnight, so I didn’t really interact.  This morning we talked on Google chat for a while.  Lunch time I just didn’t like the vibe.  A sad Hey when I got there.  Then we had a good conversation though about work and stuff.  And then just a quick side hug when I left.  I’m hesitant to kiss him because sometimes it seems like he doesn’t want to and of course, I feel rejected.  He and I are both home tonight so I am praying for a good sign for us.  I had boudoir pics taken before this happened and they finally came in.  Not sure if I show him them or not.  I was hoping they would lead to something…but probably not.  Maybe I shouldn’t have given him this 2 week period to decide.  It’s killing me.  I don’t really know what our separation will look like, I just know that it will suck for me.

I saw a therapist yesterday.  She said I shouldn’t blame myself.  She wants him to come with me next week and I haven’t asked him yet.  I know he doesn’t want to.  I just don’t feel very hopeful today.  Some days I do.  Not today.

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