Things are better? I think.  It’s very confusing.  The future is scary.  When we are together, everything feels normal and fine.  We sleep in the same bed.  We stay up and watch TV.  We kiss goodnight, but nothing more.  I want more.

He talks about the future.  About this summer, about going to see places, and about after the baby comes.  You can see why I am very confused.  We went out to eat on Friday night, just us.  Talked no problem.  When we got home I said, we can chill and date each other for a couple weeks then talk about separation.  He said OK.  He can’t make a decision to save his life.  But he is going to have to make this one.  It takes it completely out of my hands, which is scary, to say the least.

I scheduled a Dr. appt for him and it is tomorrow.  I doubt he will go.  But I am hopeful.  I have counseling on Wednesday.  I am looking forward to it.  I am going to ask for a couple’s session and see what I can do.  If nothing else, I need to figure out how to properly separate from him.  Considering I talk to him all day long in Google chat, I need to know what the rules are.  Do I unfollow his social media?  Lord knows I don’t want to see any photos of him with other girls.

The future is so scary to me right now.  I just like when we are all home, like last night.  And everything felt normal and comfortable.  Who wouldn’t want that?

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