I’m going to keep writing.  I broke down and told my mom about what was going on on Wednesday after work.  She immediately took us to her house so she could help me entertain the kids and figure things out.   We ate pizza and made some plans for the future.  I don’t want to have to go that route, but honestly it feels a lot better to have the plan in place.  Implementing it will be harder.

The amount of love and support I have gotten once my mom’s big mouth spread the word has been overwhelming.   Everyone wants to help me out with different things.  They want to take care of my kids for me, but I really need to be with them right now for distraction.

Thursday I did not come to work.  My mom picked me up.  We went to her house for awhile.  Then we went out to lunch and shopping.  Back to her house.  I made a baby registry because she wants to throw me a shower so I get excited for the new baby.  I will have it in a few weeks so I can see everyone and I guess just get support.

I went home around 330.  RKY had picked up Red at school.  We had a pretty normal night as a family.  It was confusing.  We talked like we normally do, about nothing heavy of course.  We had a good time as a family going to the pet store and picking up some groceries.  It was exactly the kind of weeknight I would picture for a family of four.  But somehow it’s (or I) am not enough.  After the kids went to bed I took a Unisom.  But RKY sat by me and we watched a show before I passed out and had a great night of sleep.  So that was weird.

This morning everyone in my family was still very upset.  My older sister called in to work so she could watch E.  My mom came to take me to my Dr.’s appointment.  My younger sister is picking up Red to take her out tonight.  My appointment went fine.  The u/s was normal.  The baby was active and had a good heartbeat.  I told the Dr. about my struggles.  I cried.  It was embarrassing and not at all how I pictured my life would go.  He said Zoloft would be fine to take.  I have to ween from it a bit before the birth and then start it up again right after to avoid PPD.  I have a counseling appointment next week on Wednesday.

After work Red will go with my sister.  My mom will probably watch E and I will confront the future.  I don’t exactly know what to say or what I want.  I think I will write in a google doc what I want to say and hopefully go off of that.  In the meantime, my stomach is in knots still but I do feel a little lighter.  Family saves the day.

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