by the way

It has been a roller coaster lately.  By it, I mean life.  I was hit by antepartum anxiety and depression.  The only thing that has been consistent has been my running.  I have stayed above 40 mile/week through it all, which has probably helped my sanity.  I pulled away from pretty much everyone except my kids because, well they kind of demand the attention and love.  So now that I’ve recognized it, I have been rebuilding and reconnecting in other relationships.  The anxiety was very bad for a couple weeks after Christmas, with a constant feeling of dread or fear in the pit of my stomach.  That has mostly subsided for now.  I’ve done various things I have read about on the internet and I really wanted to get into meditation, but time wise, it hasn’t worked out for me.  Mostly I do breathing exercises and try to write down 3 things I am grateful for every day.  I also frequently ask myself, “is this helpful?” when the negative thoughts come.  I even bought a light therapy console but I haven’t been using that much.  I plan to bring it to work so I can have it on during the morning when I am in my office.  The winter has been very very grey and gloomy, so the light helps.

I have some worries about how the stress and cortisol has affected the baby, but hopefully it will all be fine.  I had my anatomy scan last Friday.  As far as I could tell, everything looked normal.  I will find out the results next Friday.  The baby was VERY active.  As for gender…it is another girl!  WHAT?!  I was pretty sure it was a boy.  Honestly, I have always really wanted a son, so there is some disappointment, but it will be fine.  I hear the teenage years are a bit harder with girls though.  I’m sifting through names and will let R rule some of them out.  I let him pick the last time, so hopefully I get a little more pull this time.

My paces while running have mostly been above 8min/mile. I have no desire to go much faster than that.  I know I did in the past, but I am just not feeling it right now.  The pressure isn’t too bad right now and I did find my support belt from my first pregnancy, so that should be of help to me when I do need it.  I plan to find a couple races to do before baby, but our area is pretty devoid of races besides a few 5ks this spring.

 

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