It has been a roller coaster lately. By it, I mean life. I was hit by antepartum anxiety and depression. The only thing that has been consistent has been my running. I have stayed above 40 mile/week through it all, which has probably helped my sanity. I pulled away from pretty much everyone except my kids because, well they kind of demand the attention and love. So now that I’ve recognized it, I have been rebuilding and reconnecting in other relationships. The anxiety was very bad for a couple weeks after Christmas, with a constant feeling of dread or fear in the pit of my stomach. That has mostly subsided for now. I’ve done various things I have read about on the internet and I really wanted to get into meditation, but time wise, it hasn’t worked out for me. Mostly I do breathing exercises and try to write down 3 things I am grateful for every day. I also frequently ask myself, “is this helpful?” when the negative thoughts come. I even bought a light therapy console but I haven’t been using that much. I plan to bring it to work so I can have it on during the morning when I am in my office. The winter has been very very grey and gloomy, so the light helps.
I have some worries about how the stress and cortisol has affected the baby, but hopefully it will all be fine. I had my anatomy scan last Friday. As far as I could tell, everything looked normal. I will find out the results next Friday. The baby was VERY active. As for gender…it is another girl! WHAT?! I was pretty sure it was a boy. Honestly, I have always really wanted a son, so there is some disappointment, but it will be fine. I hear the teenage years are a bit harder with girls though. I’m sifting through names and will let R rule some of them out. I let him pick the last time, so hopefully I get a little more pull this time.
My paces while running have mostly been above 8min/mile. I have no desire to go much faster than that. I know I did in the past, but I am just not feeling it right now. The pressure isn’t too bad right now and I did find my support belt from my first pregnancy, so that should be of help to me when I do need it. I plan to find a couple races to do before baby, but our area is pretty devoid of races besides a few 5ks this spring.