Just shut up. You’re wounding my soul.

Last post was over 3 weeks ago.  Boston is a no go.  I got too tired.  I also got pretty sick for a few weeks.  Today I feel better, but not completely.  I still struggle to eat enough and feel a bit shakey when I haven’t.  There is no way I am getting enough food to fuel long runs.  Plus the weather still sucks.  It won’t be above zero at running time until maybe next weekend.  Maybe.

I think there were two or three days last week where I was able to get out and run.  One of those days was probably too cold.  I thought my ears were frost bitten even though I wore a hat.  I got in around 48 miles for the week.  This week I knew my miles would all be treadmill, so my goal is for 35.  Next week, all my miles will be treadmill too.  I am thinking of saying “screw running!”  and just cross train on most days next week.  I guess by cross train I mean do yoga and some other exercise videos.  Those are really my only options.  Hopefully the weather will be better the next week and I can get in another long run.  There are a couple of half marathons I would like to do.  Too bad Boston doesn’t have a half option.

My biggest prego symptom is being tired.  So very tired.  I am useless after 8 p.m.  I usually have a mid afternoon slump too around 2.  I have been falling asleep around 9-9:30 and waking up around 530 or 6.  7 on the days I don’t run.  That’s 9 1/2 hours of sleep!  We still haven’t told anyone yet because I don’t see the doctor until next week on Thursday.  I am hoping we hear the heartbeat and then can go get an ultrasound.  I will be almost 10 weeks by then, but I still want to wait another few weeks to tell people.  This pregnancy seems to be going by very slowly.  Last time it seems like it went faster, but that could be because I didn’t take a test until I was probably 5 1/2 wks along.  This time, I took it the day I was supposed to get my period (4 weeks).  My boobs didn’t balloon up like they did last time, so it has been easier to hide, though sometimes I dry heave in my office at work.

I think I am worrying more this time around too.  I even found a site that has miscarriage rates by day.  I also read about stillbirths because I know two people who have had them.  The worrying never ends.  You worry about the baby inside you for 9 months, you worry about yourself the last couple of weeks.  Worry about both in the few weeks postpartum, and then worry about SIDS for 4 months.  Then you have to worry about choking, falling, sickness, etc for several years.  Like 18 years.  and then it doesn’t really stop, but you feel like you have less control.  Whew.  I am my mother.

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