I’m gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel

Welp yesterday I ran my slowest half marathon everrrr.  (Besides the one I ran injured.)  It was so bad that I even ran/walked the last two miles.  LOL.  That is the first time I have ever walked during a half marathon.  (INCLUDING the one I ran injured.)

Luckily I have a sense of humor about it.  At least I do now, I didn’t while I was running/walking it.  I decided that this race would be a good dress rehearsal for my full marathon in a few weeks, so I did everything exactly as I would plan to before the full.  I have been having neck and shoulder pain since I went to the chiro on Monday, so on Sunday I borrowed my mom’s electrocution device… I am not sure what it’s really called…and shocked my neck and shoulder into submission.  So that pain was solved.

I went to bed fairly early and slept on the couch to avoid the hip pain my bed seems to bring me.  I have a love/hate relationship with my bed lately.  I woke up at 5 a.m. and got dressed in basically the same outfit I plan to wear, whatever shorts, red tank top, two sports bras, compression socks, and Nike Frees.  I packed a breakfast of a Snickers bar and a hard boiled egg and brought shot blocks in my Spibelt.  Geez, I sound like a sponsored blogger.

Got in my car and drove an hour to some park I have never visited before and got myself registered.  Luckily they still had x-small unisex shirts left, so I was able to score one of those.  I still had about 40 minutes before the start, so I warmed up, which I never do before a half, for about 12 minutes.  Then I walked around and enjoyed the river views.  We started the race right on time and I ran for a half mile with a pack of three speedy girls before they took off and I found myself alone by mile 1.  The first 2 miles were mostly downhill before we turned and went into some residential neighborhoods.  I was running sans music and planned to do so for at least 5 miles.  I felt like I had run forever before we finally reached mile 2.  I was running naked and there were no clocks on the course, which I thought I was fine with, but now Im thinking maybe I should use something to prevent going out too fast.

Around mile 3 we were on a bike path by the river.  The wind picked up blowing my ear phones out of my ear and the sun kept shining into the side of my face behind my sunglasses and pissing me off.  That’s probably when my attitude fell apart.  I remember hitting mile 4 and thinking 9 more miles? f*ck I wanna stop.  Break it into segments, they say.  It’ll go faster, they say.  I figured that I would eat my chews at 5.5 since I knew there was supposed to be a water stop there.  Except there wasn’t or maybe I just missed it because the bike path kind of split off in weird little ways and I was basically running solo.  We finally reached the turn around just after 6 miles and the wind stopped.  The lead girls were about 2 minutes ahead of me.  I popped my chews around the next water stop at mile 7 and realized that I probably wasn’t drinking enough because I wanted to chug more.

We followed the bike path back to the residential streets and I swear to Pete, the ninth mile was actually 3 miles.  I got to mile 10 and I should have felt pumped about only having 3.1 to go but I was miserable and doing a death march.  I was pretty sure I was running 9 min miles at that point, my legs felt so heavy and slow.  When we got to the 11th mile, I knew it was all uphill from there.  It was gradual at first before the monster hills back into the park.  I walked and ran then walked and ran.  I didn’t care.  I would have walked to my car at that point, but that would involve going up the giant hill anyway.  I walked up that ENTIRE giant hill because I kind of figured I was walking faster than I was running.  After that were some rolling hills I mostly ran and then mile 12 I stopped to drink water and walked a bit before heading into the final loop.  It was also hilly.  YAY.  So I walked for another little bit in the final mile and then finally tried to kick it in but my legs were so stiff and robotic feeling that nothing happened other than my face probably grimaced.  I crossed the finish in 1:41, a full 10 minutes after that lead pack of girls.  talk about falling apart…yeesh.  I then forced myself to run a cool down to get to 16 for the day and I had to walk during my cool down.  LOL.  It was also hilly because there is literally no place in that park that isn’t hilly.

So my plan was to plug my finish time into the ol McMillan calculator and get an estimate of my marathon time.  Using this horrible time, I still got a 3:32, which is fine.  I will accept that.  No 3:20-25 for me this year, or probably ever.  I am calling this race a hard training run and pretending that it will only make me stronger for fall races.  In reality it probably just broke down my body and I will slowly fall apart until December.  My quads, shoulders, and hips are f@cked today.   My next race is a g-damn 5k on Saturday.  Gross.  At least it’s for a good cause blah blah blah.


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